The Adventures of Kaos

''Kaos'' is a cat. A tuxedo cat - you know, mostly black but with a white chest and paws, so it looks like he's wearing a tuxedo. We don't know why he was named Kaos, but these days he tries his best to live up to the name. What's Kaos doing now? Is he [[sleeping]], [[grooming]] or [[bothering a human]]?

(if: $naps > 1)[{(set: $naps to $naps + 1)}You can never sleep too many times. ](else-if: $naps is 1)[{(set: $naps to $naps + 1)}Yes, you can never have too many sleeps. Humans call them naps, but they mostly just take one big long one. Sometimes you have to jump on them to make sure they're not dying. But Kaos knows sleeping often is the right way to do it. ](else:)[{(set: $naps to $naps + 1)}Kaos is very good at sleeping. He can do it for hours and hours! But sometimes he needs a break. Kaos needs a break now. He yawns (it's a good yawn, mouth very wide) and stretches.] What's next? (unless: $groomed)[[[Grooming->grooming]]? ][[Drinking->drinking]]? [[Eating->eating]]? Or [[bothering a human]]?

Kaos licks himself all over, taking special care to get in between his toes. It takes a long time, but its worth it.{(set: $groomed to true)} Now he's presentable, what will he do? [[Sleep->sleeping]]? [[Eat->eating]]? [[Have a drink->drinking]]?

Anna, Kaos's primary human, is trying to read a book and rest, but Kaos thinks this is a terrible idea. (unless: $hungry)[He has a number of choices for how to bother her. Does he [[meow loudly]]? [[Sleep on her pillow]]? [[Jump on her belly]]? Or maybe [[attack her head]]?](else:)[ Normally he has a number of choices for how to bother her, but in order for her to get the food message, there are really only two: [[meow loudly]], or - and you usually leave this as a last resort - [[attack her head]].]

This is a classic: stare at the human and meow nice and loud! Sometimes, the humans make their talking noises, and sometimes, they meow back, though it's always gibberish. Anna does it now. "Mau!" she says. (She's Finnish, though Kaos doesn't know that.) She doesn't want to get up, though. (if: $hungry is true)[Thankfully, though, Ben hears Kaos. He says something about it being "nearly time", whatever that means, but the miau-ing continues for a bit and eventually it works: the machine makes a sound! Kaos runs upstairs and his food is there. Time to eat.] (else-if: $thirsty is true)[Kaos persists. Ben arrives and the two humans say things, asking each other what he wants. Eventually Kaos remembers that his other water bowl is on this floor, so he wanders over to it and Ben gets the idea. He refills it, and Kaos drinks the cool, fresh water. Wonderful.] (else:)[Never mind. The work is done; ownership has been announced. Its tiring establishing your rule over the house, but necessary. Time for (if: $naps > 1)[one more](else-if: $naps = 1)[another](else:)[a] sleep.] ''The End.''

This is a new trick, but Kaos knows the new best place to sleep when he sees it. Anna's daybed pillow is always slightly warm, and while it's not as tall as the sofa or the cat tree its pretty tall. Certainly Kaos can see the whole room from here. And besides, sometimes Anna is bothered (which is fun) and sometimes Anna just rests her head on Kaos (which is comforting). Today, she makes some annoyed human noises, but adjusts her position and ends up resting partly on Kaos' back. It's warm and nice. The perfect circumstance for (if: $naps > 1)[one more](else-if: $naps = 1)[another](else:)[a] sleep. ''The End.''

Anna doesn't like this one at first, but eventually, when Kaos has kneaded and twirled around and found a comfy spot, she says nice things. It's so comfy. The blanket, the warmth of his human...if there was something else he was thinking about, he's over it now. Time for (if: $naps > 1)[one more](else-if: $naps is 1)[another](else:)[a] sleep. Until Anna needs to get up, at least. ''The End.''

The thing about Anna is that she's wise to this one. She knows the look in Kaos' googly eyes. She pulls the blanket on her daybed up over her head and waits patiently. But it doesn't matter; the attack must continue! Kaos launches himself in the air, bats and bites at the head-shaped blanket lump, then falls back to the floor with a small thump. The attack is over. His other needs forgotten, the mighty predator Kaos decides his work is done. He heads over to the sofa, jumps up on it's back, and lays down for (if: $naps > 1)[one more](else-if: $naps = 1)[another](else:)[a] sleep. ''The End.''

Eating is one of Kaos' favourite things, but the problem is the humans don't always have something for him to eat. He has two food bowls: one the humans fill each night (though sometimes Kaos has to yell at them first), and one that fills itself somehow a few times a day. Kaos heads to the second food bowl. There are a few little morsels of dry food left in it, but it hasn't filled itself since this morning. Will Kaos [[wait and watch]] for the food machine, or [[go bother a human->bothering a human]] to make them activate the magic? {(set: $hungry to true)}

Now that he thinks about it, Kaos is thirsty. He walks over to the nearest water bowl; he has two, on different floors. This one has water in it, but...is that a speck of dust on the surface? If Kaos cares about the dust, he could [[go bother a human->bothering a human]] about it. Or he could just [[drink the water anyway]]. {(set: $thirsty to true)}

Kaos waits for what seems like an eternity. If he could tell the time, he'd know that it was actually about six minutes. But his patience is rewarded...the bowl starts to make a whirring sound, and the voice of Ben, his secondary human, comes from inside: "Kaos! It's food time!" Kaos eats. It's very satisfying. Of course, there's only one thing to do now; well, two things really. But they always go together. But in which order? [[Zoom, then poo->zoom first]]. Or [[poo, then zoom->poo first]].

The water is actually fine, if a bit warm. Maybe he should have annoyed a human to change it. But at least now he's not thirsty any more. What next? [[Eating->eating]] maybe? Or perhaps its time to [[bother a human->bothering a human]]? {(set: $thirsty to false)}

Kaos runs around at speed, leaping on things, scratching a bit of cardboard, ricocheting off a wall, then into the bathroom to let it all out. Then he tries to cover it, but bless him, he never learned to do this properly, so mostly he just paws at the walls. It'll stink pretty bad, but one of the humans will notice and get rid of it. They always do, eventually. (This one they'll notice pretty quickly.) Kaos slinks off to find somewhere comfy. Time for (if: $naps > 1)[one more](else-if: $naps is 1)[another](else:)[a] sleep, he thinks. ''The End.''

Kaos heads into the bathroom and does his business in peace, then spends some time pawing squeakily at the walls. (He never learned to do this part properly.) It'll stink pretty bad, but one of the humans will notice and get rid of it. They always do, eventually. But then it's time to zoom! Down the stairs, across the loungeroom, up the cat tree, scratch scratch scratch. Then back down and under the couch for a moment before taking off like a shot across the floor to the kitchen. Two or three more times across the room at top speed, and he's spent. So much energy! Better have (if: $naps > 1)[one more](else-if: $naps is 1)[another](else:)[a] sleep. ''The End.''

{  (set: $naps to 0, $hungry to false, $thirsty to false, $groomed to false, $version to 1.3, $edited to "13 April 2024" ) }

{  } (align:"==>")+(box:"=XXXXXXXXX")[= (text-size: 0.8)[''//The Adventures of Kaos//'' by <a href="https://benmckenzie.com.au" title="benmckenzie.com.au" target="_blank">Ben McKenzie</a>, version $version ($edited)]